Ask Cliterati: Should I Talk Dirty?

Dirty talk has always really turned me on. When I was younger, I spent a fortune on telephone sex lines. Now I’m older, I’ve got over that habit but when I’m in bed with someone, it feels much better for me if they tell me how much they’re loving it or generally talk dirty. I also like being able to tell them how slutty they are. The problem is that when I’ve tried this, most girlfriends have got really pissed off with me. It’s not that I think they really are sluts – the words just work for me. How can I convince my new partner to talk dirty without her leaving me?
Gary 

I can sympathise, Gary. Talking dirty can be a powerful aphrodisiac if it’s done right. The problem is that one person’s turn on is another one’s passion killer so you need to find out the levels of filth before plunging into calling your lover a dirty whore. As with most things sexual, it’s best to start gently and then build up intensity.

Almost no women will be offended if you tell them how attractive they are, so start with something mild like ‘I love your breasts’. If that’s well received, throw in something a bit more descriptive like ‘feeling your nipples hard against my chest gets me hard.’ Then introduce questions to get your partner more involved – say, ‘do you like the way my cock feels in your hand?’ If all’s going well, you can encourage your partner to get more descriptive by asking something like ‘what do you like best about me fucking you?’ It may seem a bit contrived but it’ll show your partner you like talking dirty without risking offending them.

It’s also well wroth finding out if there are any words that your partner particularly hates – say, pussy or vagina. A lot of women object to insults like slut or whore in bed, but you might be able to get away with ‘you’re so dirty. I love it when you’re dirty’. Establish the limits, start gently and before you know it, you should be indulging in foul-mouthed fucking. Don’t over-use it though – make sure that you balance up dirty talking sex sessions with more intimate and sensual lovemaking so that you can enjoy the best of both worlds. Have fun, you dirty bastard.

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