Wise Council From Susan Quilliam: I Want to Go Away With my Parents, Not my Partner Too

Hi Susan,

I’ve been Sam for six months and he’s lovely. But I’ve got a holiday planned with my parents in the autumn and he’s hinting strongly that he wants to come along. I enjoy spending quality time with my family and I’d feel torn having Sam there too. I’ve offered to go away with him later in the year but he doesn’t seem happy with that.

Jo

Hi Jo,

The issue here is surely not just that Sam wants to spend more time with you and you want to spend more time with your parents. It’s surely that Sam now wants to be part of your family, and you’re not ready for that.
Because you’re right when you say you’d be ‘torn’ if Sam came on the family holiday – your loyalty would be divided. And my guess is that right now your loyalty is still firmly with your folks, and your relationship with Sam is much less important than that.

You have to say ‘no’ to Sam. Because to take him along would not only make for a less enjoyable holiday for you, but would also give him a false impression of where the relationship is at. Yes if in future things get more serious, invite him on a family holiday – and if things do get more serious, I suspect you’ll be happy to do that!

Susan Quilliam also offers email, phone and face-to-face coaching on relationship and sexuality issues. Contact her here.

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