Toy Review: Top Three Vibrator Wands 2013

NB: Click here for a 2015 version of Cliterati’s preferred plug-in wands (which also mentions the items below, so please do read this page too!).

The Eroscillator 2 Deluxe The Eroscillator may not be the best-looking sex toy – in fact, I think it’s potentially the ugliest I’ve seen – but it’s got a great personality and a fantastic sense of humour: after all, where else would you find a bristled attachment called The French Legionnaire’s Moustache (yes, you guessed it: it’s the bristly one to the left of the picture)? And which other wand would you give you orgasm after orgasm without inflicting the throbbing of a million nerve endings screaming in protest afterwards? Yes, that’s right, you heard correctly: because The Eroscillator oscillates (moves from side to side) rather than vibrates, it leads to a less numbing experience than other wands. By this I mean that it gives you a far better build-up to your orgasm, which means that you can continue using it without your bits dropping off in disapproval, which in turn gives you more potential for multiple orgasms – and squirting. The Eroscillator is lighter and far more silent than other wands I’ve tried, and unlike many other brands the manufacturers haven’t stinted on the cable which is nice and long (a small point but one worth making). It does take a bit of getting used to with regards to the bizarre attachments but thankfully the heads are much softer and more flexible than they look from the photos. My favourite attachment is the Golden Spoon, and having heard great reviews of the silicone Ultra Soft Finger Tip (which sounds more like my kind of thing) I was disappointed to learn that the manufacturers of The Eroscillator only include it in the Deluxe Soft Finger Combo which Lovehoney doesn’t sell. But thankfully you can buy the Ultra Soft Finger Tip and other attachments separately from the official Eroscillator website. Apart from the unattractive appearance and non-inclusion of the Ultra Soft Finger Tip in Lovehoney’s particular package (and please note I’m just splitting hairs in both cases), if I had one real criticism of The Eroscillator – and bearing in mind this the only real criticism – it’s that using the switch control slider isn’t entirely obvious when you’re in the throes of passion since visually and feel-wise it doesn’t stand out from the rest of the toy. Well, I call it toy, but that would be to do it an injustice as the Eroscillator really does live up to the hype, especially if you’re someone who struggles to reach orgasm or you’d like to learn to squirt – and yes, in my experience squirting can be learned (in which case you may also like to buy an additional G-spot toy to help you on your way – I recommend the Glass Icicles G-spot Dildo). If you like a sensuous orgasm as much as a wham-bam-thank-you-Mam functional climax then The Eroscillator’s for you. In fact, without hesitation I’d say it’s for every woman out there – especially those of you who struggle to come, since the manufacturers claim that it’s “proven to bring 87% of unorgasmic women to orgasm.” Personally, I can honestly say that every time I use it it’s the most incredible experience: I don’t normally have to put a towel down before I use a toy ‘just in case’, but with The Eroscillator…well, let’s just say it’s hard not to go with the flow. The Eroscillator may cost £169.99 but even if it were twice that it would be money well-spent, as it’s worth the hype – and then some. Believe me: you may well have a favourite toy sex now, but once you’ve tried The Eroscillator there’s no going back. In my opinion (and I’ve tested hundreds of sex toys) you will not find a better clitoral stimulant on the market: it’s the stuff credit cards were made for. The Eroscillator is available for £169.99 from Lovehoney

The Glass Icicles G-Spot Dildo is £37.99 from Lovehoney

Bodywand Magic Vibrator (with UK Plug) Picture the scene: you’re in bed, you can’t sleep, you’re horny but you’re tired and can’t be bothered to masturbate: it just feels too much like hard work. You’re in a sleep-sex Catch 22, so what do you do? I’ll tell you: if you’re in the mood for a quickie or a good hard fuck rather than a sensual experience then the Bodywand Magic Vibrator serves that plugpurpose perfectly. Its heavy, no-frills functionality is the vibrator equivalent of a pneumatic drill – you can hear its power before you feel it, and then once it’s applied it leaves you a juddering wreck. The Bodywand will shoot you orgasms like bullets: it’s hard, fast and dangerous to know. I say ‘dangerous’ because after use you’re likely to feel numbed and your clitoris may well be left ringing like a gong on a steel surface – even just the sound of the highest setting is intimidating. Thankfully though, you scroll through the settings with a control dial which means that you can choose – and change – the right level for you extremely easily, even if you’re in the midst of an orgasm. Body massage-wise, as a sufferer of chronic pain for me the Bodywand is definitely useful to unknot a bit of tension (its flexible head is great for this), and I’m sure anyone with stress in their lives would benefit from its impressive power. You may however want to invest in an extension cable as the lead the wand comes with isn’t particularly long (I’d recommend one for bedroom use too). If you have a male partner their perineum is guaranteed a good workout, as the Bodywand is fantastic for a good bit of man stimulation. The Bodywand will certainly deliver, but be warned it does feel like it might well inflict nerve damage in the process – which I acknowledge for some people is a ringing endorsement. One of the ways to reduce this intense after-effect is by buying a complementary attachment: the Rabbit and G-Spot are made of soft silicone and if you’re a sensitive soul it may be worth the price just to make the Bodywand head feel less hard on your body. I tested the G-spot addition which came nicely packaged and looked very appealing, but unfortunately I found that the shaft was too flexible to be able to manipulate it to reach the correct spot, rendering it almost entirely ineffective for internal use. However, when I turned it so that the shaft faced away from my body the base of the attachment cushioned the harshness of the Bodywand and proved useful in decreasing the chance of aftershocks of the non-sexy variety. In this way my guess is that the Bodywand Magic Rabbit attachment is a far better bet. Indeed, the Bodywand is the perfect example of what a great wand can do, and I’d liken it to having sex with a teenage jackhammer rather than a more experienced lover: it may have no finesse whatsoever but it has the energy to keep going relentlessly, and for that there is very much a place for it in every woman’s and man’s life, particularly when you fancy a quickie. If you’re looking for a mains-powered vibrator then the Bodywand ticks every relevant box – especially when you just need a functional self-fuck. Fierce. Don’t forget to include Bondara’s own alcohol-free Sex Toy Cleaner – it’s one of the best we’ve tried, and very reasonably priced indeed. Essential! The Bodywand Magic Vibrator with UK Plug is available for £57.99 from Bondara The Bodywand Magic G-Spot attachment is available for £24.90 from Bondara The Bodywand Magic Rabbit Attachment is available for £24.90 from Bondara  Bondara’s Sex Toy Cleaner is available for £4.95

Lovehoney Mains Powered Magic Wand Vibrator A favourite of Emily, Cliterati’s Editor and all-round sexpert, this Lovehoney Magic Wand may be noisy but it’s also extremely effective – so effective in fact, that if you like the softer touch you may even find the lowest settings too powerful, especially since your sensitivity may vary throughout the month. But since you’re unlikely to be buying a Wand for wining, dining or romancing you might be pleased to hear that this Lovehoney Magic Wand is great for partner play and forced orgasms. Speaking of which, Emily suggests limiting use to once a week as otherwise the wand could impact negatively on sex toy-free sessions with your partner due to the ease of orgasms reached when using it: unlike other toys you may become dependent on the wand for orgasms because the sensations are so intense. Indeed, it’s not difficult to get addicted to such quick and easy climaxes, and since the Lovehoney Magic Wand can be quite harsh on your clitoris you might also find yourself becoming de-sensitised over time. But on the plus side if you’re a woman or man who finds it difficult to climax then the Lovehoney Magic Wand can provide near-instantaneous gratification, which is not to be sniffed at when time is short and patience even shorter. There’s also a Lovehoney Magic Wand Deluxe version which costs ten pounds more than Emily’s version and is quieter, lighter and stronger. Like all good things enjoy in moderation: these wands are so powerful that they’ll hit the spot – whether it’s in your hands or someone else’s. You have been warned!

The Lovehoney Mains Powered Magic Wand is £39.99 from Lovehoney

The Lovehoney Magic Wand Deluxe Mains Powered Massager is £49.99 from Lovehoney

Read about my Top Three Kinky Valentine’s Day Gifts

Read about my Top Three Dildos

Posted in Cliterati Magazine, Toys and tagged as , , , , , , , , , , ,