Wise Counsel From Susan Quilliam: I’m a spanking novice

Hi Susan
Guess it seems a bit timid on a site like this, but my girlfriend wants me to spank her and I’m not sure I’m up for it. She says her previous partners have done it, but I don’t know where to start. What should I be doing… will it hurt her… how do I  know when to stop? Every time I think of it, I get nervous. At the same time, I really want to give her what she desires.
 
Kris
Hi Kris
It’s pretty clear that you’ve not done this kind of thing before – but there really is no need to be embarrassed; everyone starts with sexual experimentation at some place and spanking is as good a place to start as any. It’s also pretty clear that your girlfriend has done this before – so her role here should be to help you start, help you learn.
So – as with any new sex act – talk about it first, ask questions and listen to her answers. What did she do with her previous boyfriends? Did they get her to kneel… tip her over their knee… bend her over a stool? What did they use to spank her with? How hard? How many times? Do a ‘cold’ rehearsal so you can learn her rituals. Get her to show you… get her to give you feedback.
Get her also to give you a ‘safe word’ that she can use if she wants you to stop – and if she uses that word, you stop. That means that if it does hurt her, you can be sure that she is enjoying that and not suffering it.
It might also be worthwhile reading around all this to get an idea of why your girlfriend wants this and what the possibilities are; try Googling the words “spanking blog”.
Final point, though. Your girlfriend is definitely into corporal punishment and it’d be great if you are too. But if after giving it a fair try you still don’t like it, then don’t do it. Basic rule here – if the spanker isn’t into it, then the spankee won’t get much pleasure from it. Find other games to play!
Susan Quilliam also offers email, phone and face-to-face coaching on relationship and sexuality issues. Contact her here.
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