Wise Counsel From Susan Quilliam: My flatmate’s noisy sex

Hi Susan
 
I share a flat with another guy and we normally get on really well and look out for each other. But he’s just got a new girlfriend after being single for a while, and they have sex all the time, and very noisily. It actually turns my stomach a bit – to the point where I’ve started staying over at my own girlfriend’s place rather than be at home. But I don’t know how to mention the problem without coming over like a prude.
 
Leo
Hi Leo
I agree you don’t want to make a big thing out of this – it could cause bad feeling and seem like you’re objecting your flatmate’s having sex, where what you’re actually doing is objecting to him having it quite so obviously.
That said, you’ve got a right to  have a reasonably quiet and peaceful living space. And I’m wondering why your normally considerate flat mate hasn’t clocked that what he and his girlfriend are doing is the very opposite of that. Is it that he’s so passionately in lust he’s just not thinking? Or is he actively trying to get you to stay over at your girlfriend’s so he can have the place to himself? Or is he trying to prove a point, to show that he’s now having sex after a dry period?
Whichever, I do think you have to bring the subject up. If he doesn’t realise the problem, you’re doing him a favour by pointing it out. If he wants you to stay out of his way, then talking it through gives you the chance to arrange a ‘rota’ of when you each have free rein of the flat. And if he has a point to prove about being able to score, then the fact that you’ve noticed his loud antics will mean he knows he’s made that point. So mention it – nicely, courteously, but mention it.
Susan Quilliam also offers email, phone and face-to-face coaching on relationship and sexuality issues. Contact her here.
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