Wise Counsel From Susan Quilliam: Bondage – how early is too early?

Dear Susan
 
Quick question. If a guy suggests tying you up on a first date, and you really want to do it, is there anything wrong with that? I think not, my friend says I’m mad. What’s your view?
 
Simi
Dear Simi
I’m with your friend on this. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with a guy wanting to tie you up. It’s not that there’s anything wrong – or bad, or evil, or perverted – with your wanting to be tied up. Far from it.
But on a first date? To put yourself into a vulnerable position with a partner demands trust and safety. Unless you already know him – and know his reputation through, for example, a known BDSM scene – is hugely risky. And unless he already knows you – and knows your limits – then it’s unwise, discourteous, and a bit creepy of him to be suggesting things so early on.
So yes, get into a trusting connection with someone – or indulge in rope bunny games at a club when you’re supervised. But bondage on a first date? Frankly, I wouldn’t.
Susan
Susan Quilliam also offers email, phone and face-to-face coaching on relationship and sexuality issues. Contact her here.

 

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