Wise Counsel From Susan Quilliam: Why don’t I get hit on?

Dear Susan
Help! I just never get chatted up. When I’m in a crowd, and guys hit on my friends, they sort of ignore me. Occasionally one of the quieter ones will start chatting to  me and we often get on really well. But I never get the full-on ‘want to come home with me’ line that others get. What am I doing wrong?
Hi Jen
My guess is that you’re not giving out the body language signals that get you the sort of attention that you’re talking about. The fact that you don’t get full-on chat-up suggests that you don’t look as if you want full-on chat -p – maybe you look uncomfortable around it, or you’re not giving out high-level flirting signals, or if a guy tries it you blank him.
It might be worth grabbing a good body language book and reading up about the fact that in order to signal to a guy that you’re interested you need to give him good eye contact, turn all your attention his way, smile, flirt and generally show that you like it when he comes on to you.
But – and it’s a huge ‘but’ – are you sure you want to do this? If your body language is showing discomfort, chances are that the full-on chat up line isn’t something you particularly like, even if you think you do.
In any case, guys are interested in you – it’s just that they’re the quieter guys who are probably not interested in the girls who like heavy duty chat-up. What you haven’t realised is that when the quieter guy engages you in conversation, that is chatting you up – just not the full-on kind. Enjoy the attention, show you enjoy it, and then maybe suggest that you slope off together somewhere so you can get to know each other. Result!
Susan Quilliam also offers email, phone and face-to-face coaching on relationship and sexuality issues. Contact her here.


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