Wise Counsel From Susan Quilliam: Did she dump me for someone else?

Dear Susan
Things have been unhappy between my girlfriend and I for a while. I myself have been on the point of calling time – so I wasn’t surprised that she did the deed two weeks ago. I was surprised when I popped round unexpectedly one evening to pick up some things and her flat intercom was answered by a man. Stupidly, I just slunk away, but now I’m pretty angry. Was she seeing him when she was still with me? Or has she found someone else immediately after ending it with me?. What do you think?
 
Joel
Dear Joel
I don’t know what’s been happening with your ex. And unless you ask her, rather than ‘slinking away’, you won’t know either. And guess what? In some ways it doesn’t matter.
Of course you want to be sure your ex told you the truth about why she finished the relationship – but one of you was going to finish it in any case and whether or not she met someone else before the end  or after is really a detail.
There is some good news here, though. What’s happened will help you come to terms with the fact that there’s no way back, will stop you yearning for what might have been, will mean you get over the affair rather than clinging on to it. Your anger, though painful, is a good sign – it’ll give you the energy to move on.
Susan Quilliam also offers email, phone and face-to-face coaching on relationship and sexuality issues. Contact her here

 

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