Being a cage-dancer at The Snake Pit venue in the Glastonbury Festival’s infamous Shangri-La area brings its own set of challenges – not least what to wear. Because when you’re performing in front of an audience of thousands over several nights, and the idea is to entertain as well as titillate, you can’t go at it half-cocked, especially when the look you’re aiming for is the Tarantino screenplay/ Rodriguez film From Dusk Till Dawn – albeit more upmarket.
This year my first stop for outfit ideas was Lovehoney, who offer an affordable range of latex and, much more importantly, a fantastic returns service, which means that you can swap sizes, items and if necessary get refunds extremely easily. When shopping online and/or for fetish wear, this kind of customer care is essential, as not only can latex quality and size guides differ between brands, but an off-the-peg design may simply not suit your body shape.
Luckily, when I typed Latex into Lovehoney I had plenty of clothing items to choose from (and plenty of latex condoms besides!). My first search was for a latex catsuit which Lovehoney doesn’t stock, although they do have a couple of fabric catsuits. This caused a bit of a rethink, and considering the practicalities of catsuits at Glastonbury (ease of getting dressed, undressed and how to pee when visiting extremely unhygienic portaloos), I hit on the idea of combining latex leggings and a latex top: infinitely more practical, right?
First up I went for the Sharon Sloane Latex Mini Dress. Originally I ordered a Large, as I’m 5’9” and can measure between a UK 12-14, but since the Sharon Sloane Latex Mini Dress is cut to curve wider at the hips, it proved baggy in the bum. Despite having D-cups to begin with, and adding into the mix my much-loved two-sizes bigger M&S bra (got to love a temporary £18 boob job!), this slackness was also evident where the non-adjustable straps ran from the underarms to the shoulders. Not a good look.
However, after exchanging the Sharon Sloane Latex Mini Dress for a Medium size, I was happier with the tighter fit – and latex is supposed to be tight, after all. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t call this item a dress, more a long vest, as length-wise it very much erred on the incomplete (bringing back fond memories of my schooldays frequently hearing “You’re not going out dressed like that” and “That’s not a skirt, it’s a belt!”). Luckily I was expecting this ‘Mini’ issue from reading the Sharon Sloane Latex Mini Dress Lovehoney reviews, and while it might be fine flashing one’s bum in a fetish club, constantly pulling your dress down throughout the evening does not make for a confident look on stage.
I’d also read that the Sharon Sloane Latex Mini Dress rolled up during use (thank you again, Lovehoney reviewers!), so to combat these combined shortcomings I ordered the Sharon Sloane Latex Leggings (once more exchanging a Large for a Medium so that the leggings were tighter – especially at the waist). I also bought a Black Level PVC Open Cup Corset to keep the top of the dress in place, and hide the bottom of the dress where it rolled up. Which happily, it did – in style.
I found the Sharon Sloane Latex Leggings slightly too wide at the ankle, which I’m assuming is to make them easier to get on, but I think I was probably the only person who noticed this. They are also quite loose at the waist, but then my waist is significantly smaller than my bum, so I often have problems in this department. In fact, I wouldn’t call either the Sharon Sloane Latex Mini Dress or their Latex Leggings entirely skin-tight, but then that’s what you get for buying mass-produced latex: three sizes will never fit all, which is why real enthusiasts visit specialist latex designers such as Pandora Deluxe, Lady Allura’s Latex or the bigger and better-known Westward Bound.
The Black Level PVC Open Cup Corset on the other hand, was an absolute gem of a find (and the flimsy G-string an extra little bit of fun). Even if you’re a corset purist or fashion snob (which I am, thanks to experiencing the like of Cliterati Style Editor Chrissie Nicholson-Wilde’s exquisite Curve Couture designs), there is a place in everyone’s wardrobe for a wipe-clean, zip-fronted, back-tied, cheap and cheerful shiny black underbust corset. Indeed, it was the unsung hero of my Glastonbury costumes: I can’t recommend it highly enough. I would suggest you err towards choosing the lower end of your size however, for that extra-satisfying waist minimising effect.
In conclusion, if you’re looking for a latex mini dress, leggings or a more practical alternative to a latex catsuit, this is a great entry-level pack for people on a limited budget or just starting out with latex. My advice would be to keep exchanging until you get the right size for you, and to buy some talc or Pjur Easy Latex Dressing Aid to help slip the clothes on, and also some latex shine spray to polish once you’re happily ensconced in your attire.
I tried the Pjur Cult Latex Shiner Ultra Shine Spray and was disappointed with the results with regards to the expense (I kept having to re-apply throughout the night), but there is a far cheaper shiner which offers (almost) comparable results. Personally I found the Pjur Cult Easy Latex Dressing Aid to be a more useful all-rounder, covering shine, care, conditioning and application for less money than the Pjur shiner spray.
You can see the results above and below (with added hairpiece from my favourite alternative wig specialist Geisha Wigs, wings and mask from a local fancy dress shop, and somewhat surprisingly, patent platform heels from Next of all places – and very comfortable they were too!).