Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: I can’t feel a thing!

Hi Susan

I like making love, and I climax fairly easily when my clit’s touched. But when it comes to vaginal, there’s just nothing happening down there. He penetrates, he enjoys it, we make sure that whatever he does I get some clit action (fingers, CAT position), and so I usually have a good time. But there’s just no sensation when I’m penetrated alone. Very frustrating. Any suggestions?

Kate

Hi Kate

You’re not unusual. Technically speaking the vagina isn’t exactly awash with nerve endings. And though some women find they get sensation from the various ‘spots’ in the vagina – the G spot just behind your pubic bone, the A spot between pubic bone and cervix and the C spot on the cervix, not all women get results from these. So the good news is that there’s nothing wrong with you physically if you don’t feel anything through penetration, (and personally I don’t agree with the researchers who currently claim that there may be something wrong with you emotionally if you can’t get stimulated that way).

But from your point of view, of course, your lack of sensation is bad news. You want to feel something and don’t. My way forward would be to explore- but to do that outside the context of lovemaking. It’s hard to explore what you really feel ‘down there’ when you’re also concentrating on sensations elsewhere in your body, on trying to reach your climax, on trying to help your partner reach his climax, and also on worrying about whether there’s something wrong.

So either for yourself or, even better, with your partner’s help, penetrate with a finger or dildo, then explore whether you can feel anything, if so where, and if so what you need to do to increase the sensation. Go harder, softer, slower, faster, more regularly, more irregularly.

It’s also worthwhile experimenting with different positions to see if the angle of your pelvis makes any difference. And try squeezing your bum cheeks together to see if a tighter vagina helps; some women can only climax when the vaginal walls are pressed together, rather than when they’re penetrated.

At worst you’ll find out more about your own body. At best, you’ll discover ways of feeling within your vagina – and then you’ll be able to use that knowledge to get your partner angling, thrusting and pacing in a way that achieves the same effect!

Susan

Susan Quilliam also offers email, phone and face-to-face coaching on relationship and sexuality issues. Contact her here

 

Posted in Advice, Cliterati Magazine and tagged as , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *