Part 1: The excuses
Both arrived in their beautiful, elegant boxes, looking absolutely perfect. The Apple-type packaging alone made me moist (this happens when I get a new iPhone, too). Then I got the toys out, and they were all soft/smooth and shiny/smooth and unconventional-colour-paletted in all the right places. I got right down to testing them pretty much straight away. Particularly the ORA 2, which is supposed to mimic the sensations of receiving oral sex. Wow, did I test that baby. I tested it good and proper. Repeatedly, diligently, faithfully, consistently. Like a boss.
For nearly two years.
I’d like to say I’m just the world’s most conscientious reviewer, and that these are the lengths I will go to to make sure I give my discerning readers the fullest possible information to guide their sex toy-purchasing decisions.
Actually, I have a long term health condition, and I went through a very bad patch with it. Then I recovered a bit, and made a start on catching up with things, with EVERY INTENTION of getting round to the reviews as soon as the paid work was dealt with. And then I crashed again. And so it went on. Yes, for two years. Chronic illness is like that.
So this is why I no longer do sex toy reviews. But I AM doing this one, goddamit, and the LUNA one (later!), because I Said I Would. Admittedly, for a while I gave up on ever having the energy to review them and just spent my spare spoons on feeling like a really horrible person instead. In 2015 I moved into a more hopeful phase, where I thought ‘Hey, maybe I could *pay* for them and unburden myself of this terrible guilt forever’. Then I looked up how much they cost. WHOAH.
But this is all water under the bridge now, right? And here’s one Really Good Thing about the fact it took me TWO RIDICULOUS YEARS to review this toy. As already stated, I HAVE REALLY, PROPERLY, THOROUGHLY, REPEATEDLY, DILIGENTLY* tested it. And I am pleased to report that not only is the ORA 2 still going strong nearly two years after first use, it’s pretty much the only (non-kinky) toy I use these days. It’s my go-to toy. Look, there it is, just under my bed, charging, right now!
Part 2: So how does it work?
Well, it looks like some kind of ethereal, stylish doughnut, and has a vibrating motor in it plus a swirling nub thing sticking out of the bottom (a bit like the tip of a tongue, see?). When you turn it on, you can choose the level of intensity and the buzz pattern (which ranges from a continuous vibration to rhythmic bursts to an interesting build-up-die-down sequence). The nub just goes round and round and round, and flicks your clit for you (once you find the right position, which I still find a bit tricky sometimes. When it’s there, though, it’s THERE). I can usually come with it in a few minutes, and they are really intense and brightly-coloured orgasms. I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me.
In fact, over the past two years I’ve barely used any kind of vanilla sex toy but this. OK, I admit, I went through an intense (and maybe somewhat lonely) stage with the Doxy Massager, the crack cocaine of sex toys, which is now kept by my play partner in a locked box and only used when they want to burn my clit out in preparation for a week without them so I can’t get any cheeky orgasms in. And, oh yeah, I then had a brief period of over-use of the bullet vibe out of the end of the Fun Factory Sharevibe, which had a similar burnout effect. But then it was back to the ORA.
The amazing thing about the ORA 2 is that it guarantees me a very lovely orgasm every time, but without clit burnout or desensitisation of any kind. I can use the ORA 2 on Monday, my fingers on Tuesday, back to the ORA on Wednesday, without any problems. I have such a problem with desensitisation with traditional vibes that this is a crucial point for me.
Part 3: What does it feel like?
But does it feel like receiving oral sex? Well, no. I suppose if I work really hard I can imagine it’s a robot *trying* to give me oral but not quite getting the hang of it, which is hot for its own reasons. But it does feel quite delightful – the combination of steady clit bumps and buzzing works perfectly for me, although it has to be on the highest setting, and the only effective patterns for me are the steady pulses or the one continuous buzz.
The other thing I love about the ORA 2 is that it looks beautiful and not particularly sex toy-like – to the extent that I can leave it charging under my bed when my mum visits and not worry what she will say if she spots it. I would also be happy travelling with it. It cleans really easily and still looks like it did when it first arrived.
Part 4: The scores on the drawers
So in brief, the ORA 2 is an essential piece of toybox kit for me now. I’d give it five out of five. I got my ORA 2 free in exchange for an honest review, but when this one dies (I’ll let you know if and when that happens) it’s very likely I’ll be paying for a new one.
Well, let’s face it, LELO aren’t going to send me any more free toys, are they.
The ORA 2 costs £129 and is available from LELO
*persistently, faithfully, loyally. A lot.