I’m talking pants

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of his vital parts must be in want of a good pair of undercrackers…

And that’s about as close to Jane Austin as I like to get. So, David Beckham has a habit of popping up in commercial breaks and billboards showing off his perfectly formed physique in a pair of snug-fitting pants and leaving many men feeling a little inadequate.

And pants are merely the outer casing of the centre of their universe, so why should it matter if they are greying, loose at the seams and the elastic is coming away? Yes, the contents are more important, but good pants mean a man can dress himself without his mum still buying his stuff, he has some pride and dignity and he is clean.

It may be that in the heat of passion clothes are thrown off at the speed of lightning, but there will be a point when you are both getting dressed again – whether it is after a couple of hours or the next morning. So the undergarments will get a ‘tah-dah’ moment, even if you have forgotten what you were wearing or have to search under the bed, down the side of the sofa or reach up to the light fitting to retrieve them.

While we ladies tend to choose carefully what we are wearing on such occasions, men can be a little more lax. I can recall at least a couple of chaps who have encased their bits in what can only be described as hideous rags – boxer shorts which have been so full of holes that they are merely a gusset dangling from a thick piece of elastic. I don’t know whether it was poverty, laziness or general not-giving-an-arse that led to this.

I have also seen one or two hideous pairs of off-white y-fronts which, however clean they are, always give an air of manky sweatiness.

I think my most joyful recollection of panted male butt was on a guy I actually never had sex with – maybe why I had chance to take lingering glances at his kecks. We dated briefly (excuse the pun), but something was lacking. Luckily, though, he stayed over at least once and I got to see his small, perfectly pert Italian posterior framed in blue Calvin Kleins. Other brands of similar shape and style are available – and should not be a reason why men can’t wear decent pants. Of course this style of pant doesn’t suit everyone anyway.

As for The Man – he manages to avoid this debate, as he chooses to never wear underwear. I didn’t even notice this for a couple of years, which shows just how long we stay in clothes when we get together…

But, men, if you choose to go commando, bear in mind that you should probably change your trousers more often. Even if you shower twice a day, it can get a little musty down there. And if you get a hole in them, there is nothing between you and the wind

 

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