Silver fox versus young buck

This post is from a couple of years ago, but the question never gets old – would you prefer an older or younger lover? ‘Age before beauty’, ‘youth is wasted on the young’, ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’, ‘youth’s a stuff will not endure’… etc. Is there no end to the number

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Ode to Valentines Day alone

Here’s one for all those lonely souls out there for whom this Sunday is a day of solitude without any cards or flowers: So your Valentines Day is poor. You don’t have a lover no more Everyone else gets a card For you it seems very hard All you hear is giggles and sighs It may

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Mr Curtain

He took me by surprise When I thought I’d grown quite wise I was shopping in the sales Sifting through the kids’ clothes rails, Looking for a boys’ tracksuit But the lust arrow did shoot   There he was in his green coat. I can’t say he floated my boat Wasn’t keen on his long

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Age positive

It is the thing that strikes fear into most people, the thing we like to think will never happen to us. No, not getting to the supermarket checkout and realising you forgot your purse or leaving the toilet with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers! I am talking about old age, the

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If music be the food of love…

In our teens and 20s it would be the subject of much anxiety, preparation and could, in some cases, make the evening a success or a failure. I just remember that, when I was young and had more spare time, I always had a handful of reliable options up my sleeve and would feel much

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Hump the bump

As we enter festivities to celebrate a birth it’s as good a time as any to think about being ‘up the duff’ and the challenges of sex during this strange era. Every woman is different and every pregnancy is different, but both times for me, I was totally up for it, even though my significant other

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Not on the same page?

So you’re having fun in a no-strings, explosive sex type of situation and everything is tickety-boo. Or is it? Well, it was for the first few months – it was great getting those naughty texts and smiling to yourself at the saucy secrets you both shared. But there has gradually been a shift, a cloak

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Teat total

They are the focus of nibbling, twiddling, squeezing and clamping. They also act has barometers, provide food and can be very sexy. Aren’t nipples amazing? The majority of men focus their attention on them after you have passed ‘second base’ in your affections and will at first tentatively slide their hands up your top or

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Out with the new

DSM is moving into a new phase in her life: ‘new man’ is going to have a name change. I felt that after six months, ‘new man’ probably does not qualify as ‘new’ anymore. I was going to use his initials, as I have with previous male ‘characters’ but this also didn’t seem right. No,

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A pubic inconvenience?

It is usually coarse and wiry, looks like a pet ferret, sticks out like spiders’ legs from under bikini bottoms and knicker legs and gets stuck in ones teeth at passionate moments… So why would anyone want pubic hair? It seems that no one these days does want it, including the men. There’s all-off waxing,

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The transit van man

On the eve of Halloween I thought this post from a little while ago may fit; an awkward encounter at a fancy dress party. It wasn’t one of my proudest moments (but then how many proud moments do normal people actually have in their lives?), but I cannot pretend it didn’t happen. Here I was,

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Shaken but not stirred – Museu de l’Erotica, Barcelona

“I’m not sure about going in here,” said new man, “I already feel horny, so this is going to make me even worse.” He was always horny. I had persuaded him to come with me to Barcelona’s Museu de l’Erotica – it was on the list of things to do that I had drawn up

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For pity’s sake

The Man took pity on my ‘no action’ lament last week and put me out of my misery. “Poor old bint,” he must have thought. “Stuck at home with no one else to look after her kids. I’ll pop round and do my good turn for the day.” So there I was watching TV on

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Not been getting any lately

Just to point out that this post was written a while ago and things have greatly improved since then! Lately, I have been going without – without food, without sex, without much alcohol. “Is there a point to life at all, then?” I hear you ask, and: “Shouldn’t you just be boring old ‘mum’ instead

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Dress me up

When I was about five or six the idea of dressing up involved an old cardboard box stuffed with my mum and granny’s cast-offs – usually long patterned dresses, scarves and a dozen hats. My brother and I concocted various stories and characters. The only one I remember now was my brother’s ‘wedding’ to one

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I’m talking pants

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of his vital parts must be in want of a good pair of undercrackers… And that’s about as close to Jane Austin as I like to get. So, David Beckham has a habit of popping up in commercial breaks and billboards showing off his perfectly formed

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*Rubbing him up the wrong way

Even though I am a self-confessed slapper, there are many things I still haven’t mastered and perhaps never will. Hand jobs are another of sex’s great mysteries, not helped by the fact that all men want it done differently. How someone wants their penis rubbed can vary as much as how they take their tea,

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Four days later

I had missed him. It had only been four days, but it felt like an eternity and I ached from his absence. The emptiness was now palpable. Six o’clock – he was supposed to be here now. I gripped my phone, looking at it every few seconds, knowing full well it would make a noise if

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If you can stand the heat, stay in the kitchen

Just in case the ‘winter stew’ seems a little unseasonal, this post was originally written in January 2013. The kitchen is steamy and the windows are opaque with condensation. Two pans bubble on the hob – one with a winter stew, the other with vegetable soup. Even though it’s cold and damp outside the room

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Surrender your weapon

“Baby, it’s cold outside,” sings Tom Jones in his throaty, soulful tones to a rather breathless Cerys Matthews as they flirt and tease through the classic song. Perhaps my song choice is a little out of kilter with the August humidity, but I am not here to here to discuss the weather – that would

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There were two in the bed…

There are some rites of passage/stages in a relationship that most of us only expect to experience within a certain time frame. One is learning to share a bed with another human being. I am not talking about a bed partner for straightforward bonking (sorry, erotica guys). In fact, the bonking part is straightforward, compared

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Scream if you want to go faster

So, readers, a quick straw poll: in the throes of passion, are you a) a screamer/shouter, or b) a quiet, heavy breather? Of course, you expect me to answer this, too. I would say that until recently, I probably fell somewhere between the two. But then, I didn’t make a great deal of noise in

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Cornered

We have come back early from the party. We just couldn’t wait any longer for the next stage of the evening. As I fumble about in the kitchen with coffee cups, you go upstairs to the loo. I expect you to come back down for a drink. What I don’t expect is a naked man

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In an empty room

The Man has been working day and night fixing, cleaning, redecorating and restoring an old house. It is dusty, bare and there is no furniture. He is dishevelled and tired, wearing paint-splattered clothes and probably has splinters and flakes of paint up his nails. But still, he retains the inner glow and magnetism that leaves

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