I'm in my 50's, a product of the bloom of "free sex" in the 60-70's and the rise of feminism. I've had many sexual partners over the years (I'm heterosexual in action, bisexual conceptually, but I don't think that this is an issue of sexual orientation). I've had plenty of casual sex- most of it happenstance one night stands, and in the last 8 or so years sought out through print and internet ads. I use a 'respectable' ad source- Craigslist- and if I am looking for brief sexual adventures I go to Casual Encounters. I'm in the San Francisco area, just checked out the London site and would say that CL CE there is a bit tamer.

Ultimately I want to find my 'rest-of-my-life' guy, but don't intend to be celibate in the meantime. I enjoy letting out my inner slut, which is far from my everyday apperance and style- in fact only one of my friends, a gay man, really knows the extent of my adventures.

I've never had what I would call a bad experience, have had some fun, have gotten to feel really slutty and enjoyed that, but rarely is the sex itself especially great. On one occasion I met a man with great chemistry, and we had a friendly, hot, mostly monogamous relationship for 4 years and got involved to a certain extent in each other's lives (we still are friends, every once in awhile sleep together). There are several mutual reasons that it is not a good relationship to settle down in for the long haul, but that's been okay.

I have met men who I would not choose to know further, but I am writing this now because I've just had my first experience, 2 nights ago, that has left me feeling creepy and yucky, and I'm having a hard time shaking it off.

I put an ad up looking for "Respectable by day, uninhibited by night"- it was clearly sexual, but not rauchy or kinky other than saying that I am "not vanilla", and looking for a decent, unattached (I'm not interested in causing an innocent person emotional pain), non-vanilla man for a good time.

I specified 40-50ish (I look about 45, and said that I was 48, since I've found that over 50 sounds over the hill. I hereby apologize to my fellow 50's women- no disrespect intended!). As usual I got many replies from men in their 20-30's- not my thing- and if the relies were nice wrote them back and told them they were too young for me. Well one 35 year old was very persistent and persuasive, we had an interesting and intelligent email and then phone correspondence for a week. He lives in San Diego In S. CA, and wanted to fly up here for a weekend to get together. Eventually I said yes.

He was very boring in person, and over dinner I realized this and that I was not especially attracted to him (didn't even like the way he kissed!), although I was very ready to have sex. So I joined him at his hotel for the night.

For starters, I hated his body, although I am very liberal about physical looks he looked like he sat in an office all day (he does) and never sees the light of day, and I didn't like the way he smelled- not dirty just unattractive to me. We fucked- he was not particularly a good fuck and kept saying how hard his squishy cock was! He didn't force anything on me, but more and more talked about sexual stuff that I don't happen to be into (like swinging, water sports, choking, and more) and didn't let up after I told him that I wasn't interested, which had annoyed him. His talk became somewhat demeaning, even borderline abusive. I began to realize that he was very insensitive, and far from being a gentleman- not okay with me.

By the time we went to sleep I was feeling disgusted with myself for getting into/staying in the situation, (sigh, haven't I learned by now to trust my instincts?). If my car hadn't been parked in a lot that was closed from 2 AM til 7 AM, I might very well have slipped out when he was asleep.

I got up before him, but he roused and I told him nicely- I didn't welcome him getting really nasty- that I wouldn't be back the next night, that he was just too kinky for me. He told me that I was "white trailer trash" since I hadn't painted my toenails red for him as he'd said he liked, and I had said that I couldn't afford to get a pedicure (I have zero talent for nail polish). He sort of disguised it as a joke but it wasn't, it was an out and out insult. He went back to sleep and I took a bath, not wanting to have his smell on me for a moment longer. I felt like vomiting.

I can still smell his smell in my mind, and I feel depressed. I also feel strongly that it's time to stop doing these ads- I've had my fill. I feel ashamed of myself that I didn't just get up and leave early on when I realized that he was a creep.

I would like to hear your feedback. What have you done in such circumstances? How did you get over it?

Thanks.