Hi,
I am 22 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now! My problem is that I have never reached an orgasm without thinking of something: like imagining other people having sex! I would so much like to reach an orgasm just thinking about nothing or just about my boyfriend.
It is not that I don’t enjoy sex with him but I feel like I’m deceiving him because I think of something different. I often tried to relax and not think of anything. There was just one sentence that came into my mind: “You won’t do it!” Then I think of a scene from some movie to get this thought out of my head and I often reach a great orgasm! It’s also like this when I’m masturbating. It just doesn’t turn me on enough to think of something happening with me. This makes me very sad.

Cliterati repliesIt can be easy to focus on the negative but look on the positive side. From the sounds of it you've got a great relationship and sex life. Most people fantasise during sex so it's nothing to feel sad or bad about.If you want to try to change it, try some creative visualisation. It sounds like hippy nonsense but it's a well-researched psychological method that should help you. First of all, get yourself relaxed; have a bath and maybe a glass of wine and do some breathing exercises. Then repeat to yourself "My boyfriend arouses me enough to give me an orgasm. The next time we have sex, I'll have a great orgasm without fantasising." In addition to thinking it, write it on a piece of paper ten times every day and you should train your subconscious. Then try fantasising about your bloke. If he fades from the scene, acknowledge it and then bring him back into it. Don't expect success overnight - it takes a while to train your mind.DOn't feel bad about it. The more you stress, the more likely it is to happen. Love yourself, practice your creative visualisation exercises and in time, you should find some improvement.