Coming out can be one of the most difficult things in a gay or lesbian person’s life. You may be planning to tell your parents, close family, friends or colleagues - just one or two, or all of them. It doesn’t always go well but it can be the start of getting rid of the secrecy and any feelings you may have of embarrassment or guilt. Use this checklist to help yourself prepare for coming out.

You should be aware that (sadly) making public the fact that you are gay or lesbian may cause problems and expose you to discrimination at work. It could happen anywhere and is unacceptable wherever it happens. If you need any support or advice on your employment rights contact:
Lesbian and Gay Employment Rights (LAGER), Unit 1G, Leroy House, 436 Essex Rd., London, N1 3QP.
Helplines (12pm – 4pm Mon-Fri) Lesbians: 020 7704 8066 Gay Men: 020 7704 6066

When you're preparing to come out, be aware of the health, mood, priorities and problems of those you want to talk to. Timing can be important when you come out. Mid-life crises of parents, relationship problems of friends or business concerns of employers will affect the other person’s receptivity of what you are going to tell them. Be clear about your own feelings and be prepared for your revelation to cause surprise, upset or even anger. If you are dealing with a lot of guilt or depression, try to get some help or counselling with this before you come out to family, friends or other non-gays. If you are comfortable with your sexuality this will come across and encourage and help people to accept you. Make sure you are well-informed about homosexuality and try to learn from the experience for the next time you tell someone. Remember, coming out will not change you – only, possibly, others’ perception of you.
Talking to other gay or lesbian people about their experiences of coming out may help. If possible, try to find a local gay or lesbian support group for advice and counselling. To find your local gay or lesbian support and counselling groups look in gay magazines and newspapers, or contact the Lesbian and Gay Switchboard in your region. They run a network of telephone helplines offering counselling and advice. To find the nearest Switchboard to you, look in the Telephone Book or contact the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard at LLGS, PO Box 7324, London, N1 9QS. tel. 020 7837 7324 fax 020 7837 7300. The website has links to all the regional Switchboards around the UK. Remember, the decision to come out must be yours, taken freely. Don’t be driven by feelings of guilt caused by others who believe everyone should come out or people who snoop or try to pressure you into it. You decide when, how and to whom you will come out.

So on to the conversation; how, what, where? Obviously it can be different telling friends to telling family. With friends, choose somewhere you can both be comfortable. Get relaxed, lead up to the moment, give them the news and emphasise that you are still the same person they have always known (if the person your telling is intelligent, they'll already realise this!). Let them know that you want to stay their friend, even if they disapprove. Let them talk
and if they get hostile just make your excuses and leave before an argument starts. If your coming out angers or upsets people try not to react angrily or defensively yourself. Try to let others be open and honest about their initial feelings, even if they’re negative. Remember, their first reaction may not be the lasting one. Keep lines of communication open with people after you have come out and give people time to adjust to their new information about you. Most importantly, never lose sight of your own self-worth if someone rejects you for being gay or lesbian. They are in the wrong, not you. Even if someone you come out to is initially very negative respond as reasonably and rationally as you can to their questions and statements. They may be in the process of re-examining their own myths and stereotypes about gays and lesbians.

With your family, affirm mutual love and caring before breaking the news. Avoid your parents and family finding out from a third party and be ready for you parents’ embarrassment about others knowing their child is gay or lesbian. Never come out during a family argument. You may find it easier to come out first to just one of your parents who you think will handle it better. It may make it easier for you but remember the feelings of the other and don’t let them feel left out or rejected.
Encourage them to meet your partner or other gay or lesbian friends and find out if there is a local Parents of Lesbians and Gays organisation to which you can refer them. Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (FFLAG is a group dedicated to supporting parents and their gay, lesbian and bisexual sons and daughters. FFLAG supports the full human and civil rights of gay people. They have about 10 local groups and over 40 parental contact points across the UK, publish a quarterly newsletter and have a national telephone helpline on 01454 852418. They can be contacted at PO Box 153, Manchester, M60 1LP.Coming out to your mother and father can be difficult because they are of an older, possibly more homophobic era and may find it hard to understand. Remind them that your being gay or lesbian is not a rejection of them, their lifestyle or their values. Ideally, start by telling a trusted friend to make it easier and use their support later when you tell your family.
Information taken from Doctor Checkoff