When I talk about my long-term relationship, the immediate reaction that most people have is that the other half and I have been together so long that we are probably no longer having sex. They believe that after being together for thirteen years, we are probably curling up at night with a cup of cocoa and a good book. However, nothing could be further from the truth!

I learned very early on that there were going to be two really important facets in keeping both my relationship – and sex life – alive. The first of these was communication. Now me, I’ve never had a problem talking – and even less of a problem talking openly about sex. The other half, however, was a much more closed book. He was fairly inexperienced, and was nervous of doing, or saying, something that he thought would upset me. However, by keeping the channels open – and by listening to the little hints that he would drop about the types of things he would like to try – we muddled through, what could have been, those first embarrassing encounters.

As we got to know each other better, the need to keep talking – and listening – became more and more important. Early in our relationship, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this I let certain things go without too much comment. This happened for several reasons. I was worried that I would dent his growing confidence in his sexual ability and send him back into his shell. But, more than that I did not want to come across as too experienced. Although he knew that I had had more sexual partners than he had, I didn’t want to ram it down his throat every time we went to bed.

However, because we carried on communicating, I was able to slowly and carefully hone his skills until he could really send me wild in bed. At the same time, I was learning about all those little things that really turned him on. This was great for quite some time, but as with all things, we both realised that it would not keep us together in the long run. That’s when we started to experiment.

That is where the second important lesson came in. Although I had always thought I had been fairly adventurous in my sex life, it is amazing how much more you can enjoy sex when you are completely comfortable with your partner. Now, I’m not saying that we started swinging from the ceiling and performing double-jointed moves from the Karma Sutra, but we did start using fantasy and “external” aids to spice up our sex-life.

When my other half first suggested that we use pornography as part of our sex life my feminist spirit rumbled its discontent. I had been indoctrinated to think that porn was humiliating and exploitative to women. Of course, I had been raised in the 80’s, when porn aimed at women was basically non-existent (unlike today, when sites like Cliterati make it available to us all). Despite my initial concerns about using it in our sex lives, I was amazed at how turned on I was by the films, photography and erotic stories we shared. With the stories available now, on this website and others, our interest in erotic tales has continued.

We also moved on to include things from around the house in our lovemaking. Nothing outlandish, you understand – he never really was that keen on using a cheese-grater, to spice things up – but the touch of a feather duster across the nipples could be quite delicious, we discovered.

As things developed, and birthdays and Christmas presents had to be bought, we started delving into the Ann Summers/sex shops for those extra special little gifts, only to be shared by the two of us. I now own a range of carefully selected vibrators (including one rather spectacular sweet corn replica, which has to be seen to be believed) and he has a number of articles with which I can please all his sensations.

So, when it comes to the long-term, just two pieces of advice. Keep the lines of communication open and never say no, without good reason. Try it, even if it is just the once. You never know, you might find that the new position he suggests gives you the extra thrill you have been missing – and lets you see your partner in a whole new light.