I'm a guy and I've been with my girlfriend for some time now. A month ago we decided that we were ready to take the relationship that next stage and have full sex. The problem is that even having me inside her really hurt her. She told me that this had happened with her ex and even though we have tried different approaches to it (being completely relaxed and trying different positions with her on top controlling the speed of things etc) it doesnt seem to make any difference. I'm just worried because it really upsets her and I think any more bad experiences may put her off the idea completely. I was wondering if you've got any ideas as to what the problem could be or what we should try.
Thanks,
Matt

Cliterati replies
First things first, is she wet enough? Lubrication is a crucial part of sex. Lots of foreplay will obviously help, particularly oral sex. If she's still relatively dry after that, think about using some shop bought lubricant. Make sure it's not oil based as this can rot condoms.

If you try taking the onus off penetrative sex and just have fun with lots of foreplay a few times then you may find she relaxes more and you can have enjoyable sex.Don't underestimate the power of the mind. Try sharing your fantasies if you're both comfortable with the idea. You may find talking dirty helps make things easier.Suggest to her that she 'bears down' whilst you're penetrating her (and take penetration s-l-o-w-l-y) as this will force her muscles to relax.
If none of these work, we'd recommend that she goes to the doctor. There may be a physical or mental reason why she's having this problem, whether it's vaginismus (in which the muscles of the vagina tense too much to allow easy penetrative sex) or a bad experience in the past that she needs to talk about and deal with.
She's lucky to have a lover as considerate as you. Don't give up hope as, with a lover like you, she's more than likely to get through this and have great sex.