Out with the new

DSM is moving into a new phase in her life: ‘new man’ is going to have a name change. I felt that after six months, ‘new man’ probably does not qualify as ‘new’ anymore. I was going to use his initials, as I have with previous male ‘characters’ but this also didn’t seem right. No,

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There were two in the bed…

There are some rites of passage/stages in a relationship that most of us only expect to experience within a certain time frame. One is learning to share a bed with another human being. I am not talking about a bed partner for straightforward bonking (sorry, erotica guys). In fact, the bonking part is straightforward, compared

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St. Valentine’s Day

A few Februaries ago my husband called me from the road one day to tell me what a fantastic wife I was, and how lucky he was to have me; I replied that although I wholly agreed with those statements, I was at a loss to understand what exactly had precipitated them in the middle

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Wise counsel from Susan Quilliam: I’m having regrets about the break-up

I was so sure that it was right for my ex and I to break up. Since we met four years ago, I’ve taken my degree, started work, got a promotion and moved into my own place – while he’s still struggling to get a qualification. It felt as if I was leaving him behind

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: My Mum’s just come out

Over new year, my Mum said she had something to tell me – and announced that she’s in love with a woman. She and Dad have been divorced for ten years, and since then she’s never had a boyfriend – but I thought that was just because she was too busy looking after my brother

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: I had sex with my boss

We had a fantastic end-of-term party at the school I work at, and I got it on with my favourite man – he came back to my place and we had a great night. Trouble is, he’s a head of department and I’m a trainee doing teaching practice. We’re both free and single, and I’m

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: I want a better sex-life!

Hi Susan! Definitely got my New Year Resolution sorted – it’s to have a much, much better sex life with my partner. At the moment, though we love each other, love our little boy, and are each other’s best friends, we simply don’t get round to lovemaking more than about once a week. How can

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: Should I go to hers for Christmas?

Dear Susan, This isn’t a sex question, or even a relationship question really. My girlfriend has just invited me to come and stay at her parents’ for Christmas, but I’m a bit wary that this means she’s getting too serious. We’ve only been going out for a few months – we have fun but no

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: Will our long-distance relationship work out?

Dear Susan, My boyfriend and I have had a long-distance relationship for 19 months – we’re at Uni at opposite ends of the country. But since we went back this year, things have changed. He doesn’t Skype as often, and when he does he’s a bit distant. Last time I rang, his flatmate got quite

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Celluloid or cellulite – part 3: The end of it?

Sandra has been feeling closer to Barry as they have enjoyed their little interludes together – even if it means a quick one when they have both managed to snatch half a day off work, or Barry has snuck into Sandra’s for a quick beer and crisps after her kids have gone to bed. In

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: I told my gay friend I loved him

Dear Susan, This sounds like an adolescent romcom, but it really isn’t. I have a male colleague who’s has now become a close friend. We work together a lot, we also go out two or three times a week together to films, meals and such – and over the year we’ve known each other I’ve

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: I don’t want to talk about it!

Hi Susan, I love my new man to bits, but he really gets off on discussing sex. Every time we make love he wants to tell me what he liked – and he seems quite astonished that I don’t do the same. He’s not complaining or asking me to do anything different, but I can

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: I can’t feel a thing!

Hi Susan I like making love, and I climax fairly easily when my clit’s touched. But when it comes to vaginal, there’s just nothing happening down there. He penetrates, he enjoys it, we make sure that whatever he does I get some clit action (fingers, CAT position), and so I usually have a good time.

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: Have Dating Rules Changed?

Dear Susan I’m a 52 year old woman married for 25 years and divorced for two. The split was absolutely the right thing to do, but now I’m ready to fall in love again, things are going wrong. I’ve gone to a number of events – speed dating, online dating meet-ups, alternative workshops – where

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: Help – He Comes Too Quickly!

Hi Susan I’m with a lovely guy and outside the bedroom we get on really well – lots in common, he makes me laugh, he treats me like a princess. Inside the bedroom it’s a bit different; whether he’s inside me or I’m delivering oral, he lasts for about 60 seconds, then we’re done. Yes,

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Columns: The Differences That Aren’t

We think we know what we’re doin’ We don’t pull the strings It’s all in the past now Money changes everything.  –  Tom Gray When I first published “What’s the Difference?” on The Agitator, a number of readers took exception to my premise that, absent the possibility of conception, sex is no different from any

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: He just can’t get enough

Susan, help. My partner of six months has a really, really high sex drive. He likes to have sex three times a night, and though you might think that’s great, it’s actually not. I like sex, don’t get me wrong, but his constant demands are getting me down. At first his needing sex all the

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: Should I get back with my ex?

Hi Susan Just met up again with my ex of five years ago, and we’ve arranged to go out for a meal next week. I’m so, so tempted to take it further – he’s as handsome as he’s ever been, has just moved back to our home town to take a great job, and when

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: How can I support my partner better?

Dear Susan I’m with a woman I love dearly and who means the world to me. But she’s going through a really, really hard time – she’s moved down South to be with her parents who are both quite elderly and ill, and that also means she’s taken on a new job which is proving challenging. I’m moving down

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Wise Counsel from Susan Quilliam: I want more orgasms more often

Hi Susan I noticed that it was National Orgasm Day a while back, and that made me realise that I’m absolutely fed up with not having as many climaxes as I’d like. My man and I work really hard, get not much time together and when we do make out it’s usually late at night

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Wise Counsel From Susan Quilliam: Don’t make me give him oral sex

Hi Susan I’ve never liked giving men oral sex. Putting my mouth so near where their urine comes from seems to me to be a step too far, and the thought of swallowing cum is horrendous. But of the five partners I’ve had, 100% have wanted oral sex and one of them, my very first

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Wise Counsel From Susan Quilliam: How do I get her to commit?

Hi Susan I’ve been single for a while and before that I was in a relationship that wasn’t all that good for me. My partner never gave me much attention and really didn’t seem to value me. In the end, she left for someone else and I was devastated. Since then I’ve found it really

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Wise Counsel From Susan Quilliam: Did she dump me for someone else?

Dear Susan Things have been unhappy between my girlfriend and I for a while. I myself have been on the point of calling time – so I wasn’t surprised that she did the deed two weeks ago. I was surprised when I popped round unexpectedly one evening to pick up some things and her flat

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Wise Counsel From Susan Quilliam: Should I take the job?

Dear Susan My wonderful girlfriend has just announced she’s in love with someone else. We’ve had a long-distance relationship for nearly two years and were planning to move in together over the summer when I finish Uni – I’ve got a job in the town where she is studying. But she’s started a relationship with

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